The Lost Tears...

i had been feeling quite depressed today. haiz. consequently, i had no mood to chat nor do any other things. ""what had happened?"" this was the question my caring friends or maybe.. kpc friends asked me just now. but since i was too moody to chat, i either didnt reply (at that time my sister was using the computer also, by the way) or i didnt say anything much besides shooing them off (forgive me)

so, like i said earlier, a very depressing and upsetting incident occurred... i lost something VERYYYY precious to me... (nop. not my ''V''. i still have it with me. lol)

maybe.. i had lost it a few days ago.. or maybe it had been weeks.. sooo foolish and of me not to realize it until yesterday night.. all these while i thought it was still safe in the plastic bag i put it in, and i didnt bother to check.. it was broken, you see, and i couldnt wear it with me..

it had been a part of my body since jun2006 and i treasure it veryyy much.. after all.. its the first and only present one of my best friend had ever bestowed me. moreover, it signify the friendship between me and another best friend...

i love it sooo greatly and though it had lost its shine and luster, i still hang it around my neck proudly as though it costs me a million. i had had a lot of experience with it and it had always been with me through hard and easy time.

i know maybe its just a ''thing'' and i may had exaggerated a little, but as i said, it is a symbol of ''Christ'' HImself and having it, it is as though this verse came to life. ''For God says, 'I will never leave nor forsake you'. (hebrews 13:5)

however, on one fateful day. the pendant got worn out and damaged till it is impossible to wear it anymore without fixing it back first. i was so thankful that at least i knew it dropped (i was out working at that time in 1u) at that time and had been able to pick it up or i will then lose it forever.

but.. remorsefully... i had not taken the trouble to fix it since that time, but had just kept it in a place i thought was safe until....i finally realize i.. lost it.... i dont know how it will just disappear.. maybe.. it was me myself who threw the bag away or it may had been my mom who just love to come and pack our rooms...

but according to my mom, she had seen it a few days ago and so would not had thrown it away.. she had also been very sorta ''remorseful'' ( i dont know a suitable word to describe) and had been looking over and over in my room for a few hours..

i had been very frustrated and angry this morning (thanks to my dad who kept scolding bout my beginner driving skills this morning while i drive) and once back home, i released my anger and started finding the pendant while my mom just looked at me. she had searched for it while i was out but to no avail.

then. as i realized she rearranged all my stuffs, i raised my voice and accused her of throwing my stuffs away before i found them back (in another place of course) this made her very angry too and she stopped talking to me.
subsequently, i went to sleep in order to cool myself down and upon waking up, i realized i had been very selfish.

first of all, i had no right to scold my mom for packing my room. after all, its in quite a mess and she had always been pesturing me to tidy it up. secondly, i had no proof that it was she who threw it away. thirdly, and most importantly, i was touched that she continued to search for it while i was asleep.

before this, i overheard her asking my sis the value and importance of the necklace, and my sis answered its just from my best friend and its nothing expensive.

but.. she was also angry with me and insisted on not talking to me first. haha.. she IS this childish. she thinks that she is a mother and wont take the first step (though maybe in some circumstances. she is in the wrong) but, then, as i talked to her, everything turned normal again.

but.. i still cant find it back.. or maybe... this is destiny and it is fateful for me to lose it?? i dont know.. or maybe.. it is still in hidden away somewhere in the house.. and when the time comes.. it will appear once again... what i can do now.. maybe.. is just to wait...